Here goes… The post that I’ve been absolutely dreading writing, but its something that I need to do. It’s a long one and I would really appreciate it if you read the whole thing. It’s important for you to know why cancelling part of my trip was the best thing for me…
I haven’t been posting for the last month because I just haven’t felt up to it. It’s easy to tell someone that they should just do it because their readers are counting on them, or that they already have great momentum, so why stop now…. blah blah blah. It doesn’t always matter. If you don’t feel like you can put out a great product for everyone to see, then what’s the point of half-assing something.
As most of you probably know by now if you follow me on Instagram, I’m back in New York for the next two months. You probably all also know that I was supposed to be in Australia right now. It was a tough decision for me to make, I was literally battling myself for nearly three weeks about it, but coming home was just something that I needed to do for myself.
I had a wonderful time traveling after I finished up teaching in Thailand. I was able to see two beautiful countries with my friends from Phrae, and then I headed on to Vietnam solo. While in Vietnam I had a really incredible time going completely out of my comfort zone by being alone. I met people in my hostel right after checking in and that immediately eased my nerves. It seemed like everything would be okay and that I would end up having an incredible time doing the solo thing.
But then I woke up one morning about a third of the way into my time in Vietnam in excruciating pain. I have suffered from back pain in the past, but this felt like something entirely different to me. I could barely sit up without wanting to cry or scream. It seemed like it was coming at an okay time because I was headed to Phu Quoc, a Vietnamese island, where I could listen to my body and take a few days to relax and just hang by the beach.
After a terrible plane ride, I checked into my hostel and headed down to the beach. I felt like things would be okay after spending three days laying by the sea, reading a book. But then when I woke up in the morning I noticed I developed a cough and then I was faced with some pretty awful pain in my ears… Turned out I had a double ear infection, chest cough and back pain… And I don’t know about you, but when I feel that bad, all I want to do is be at home and have someone taking care of me.
Being in a foreign country, sick and alone, would put anyone’s mental state somewhere heading south. But I had struggled with depression in the past and I know its a slippery slope. It seemed that this was when everything started to take a turn for the worst… And I never want to feel the way that I did when I was dealing with my depression. So, I tried to stay positive, but thats not always an easy thing to do.
When I arrived in Ho Chi Min City (Saigon), I found a reputable chiropractor and decided to see what his opinion was facing my back problems. It turns out I came in at the correct time because I was about to slip a disc in my lower back, which would lead to pretty severe problems in the future.
I spent an extra five days there, hoping that I could continue my trip to the Philippines, the one place that I was dying to get to. Unfortunately the doctor said that I couldn’t partake in any strenuous activities for at least two weeks and that sitting down for extended period of times without a way to get up and stretch was out of the question. Devastated, I cancelled my trip to the Philippines after crying to both my parents on the phone about it for days.
Instead, I headed over to Cambodia early and it ended up being a really good move. I met up with a girl I had met through teaching and was able to hang out with her and her friend in Siem Reap, where we had the best time seeing Angkor Wat as well as meeting people at our hostel and hanging out by the pool there. After that I headed down to Phonm Phem for a few days, where I finally had to make a decision on what to do. Should I stay? Or should I go back home and deal with my back and the fact that when I was alone, all I wanted to do was cry.
It was such a hard choice for me because I kept thinking that people would think I was giving up, canceling a whole two month chunk out of my trip. I knew that I would return in July because I would not give up my trip with my two best friends from college and my trip with my Mom, which made me wonder if paying to fly home and then back was truly worth it.
I’m very lucky, I have a great support system at home and after they assured me that they would help me find a place to live as well as temporary work for the summer, I decided that it was in my best interested to put a pause on my world travels and deal with me. I ultimately knew that being around friends and family would be the best thing for me for awhile, and maybe the time away from seeing and experiencing this gorgeous world would make me more excited for the next leg of my trip.
While I love traveling and seeing the world, I feel that maybe I’m better off picking one place to have as a home base, for a month or two, and exploring the areas surrounding it. Backpacking just may not be for me, and that’s okay.
Sometimes I feel that as a travel blogger, there is so much pressure to see as many new and beautiful places as you possibly can. It took a lot for me to not be hung up on the number of countries that I’ve been to or that I plan to travel to. When I decided to come home, I ended up having the best week of my trip leading up to my flight home.
I’m home now until July 15, when I will head off to Bali. I’m looking forward to making the best out of the next few months and then beginning my travels again with a healthy mind and body. I will be back to my regularly scheduled posts soon, so don’t go anywhere.
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